Grief may never wear out

Sitting on an edge of an concrete piece that had been an part of a building just hours before, she could taste the salty aroma of her tears. The tears that she let roll down her pale cheeks were not the first ones she had let out that day.


Tears of grief - rolling freely down of her jawline falling from the edge of it and ending onto the dusty and shattered ground of Chicago. The battle had been won, but the loss of dear comrades and great soldiers crushed her heart.


Not only once but twice had she lost someone close to her heart, first the best friend she ever had, Autobot named Jazz, had been lost in a battle between the Autobot's and the Decepticons. She had witnessed with her own eyes how Megatron, the leader of the Decepticons tore apart her friend and tossed away like a piece of scrap metal.


Thinking of her lost friend, she lets out a loud sob causing more tears wet her cheeks and hit the dusty concrete under her feet. The mixture of happy and painful memories rush through her head building the already unbearable pressure on her heart.


One thing that crushes her the most is the lost of her guardian, Ironhide, the stubborn and pessimistic weapon specialist. Through the years that they walked side by side almost 24/7, they had become closer that anyone would have ever thought.


Only now, when it was already too late, she realized how much she really loved that black mech. Only now, the reality hit her harder than the moment Ratchet had told her Ironhide was gone.


When they last parted, they parted with an dispute, like always the dispute was about an petty subject. Despite to their constant arguing and fighting they did cared for each other and showed it to one an other by small but meaningful matters.


Such as picking her up on his strong hand bringing her up and hold her against his chestplate, holding her as if she was the most valuable treasure on the entire universe. She loved it, she loved to press her head on his chestplate just to hear the spark beating softly under the strong metallic armor, drift into peaceful sleep against it feeling safer than anyone else on earth.


She on the other hand would place soft kisses on the mechs faceplate when ever she had the chance, the contact of her soft lips on the mechs metallic cheeks made his engine purr softly, and every now and the would he return the gesture. Never did they commit these gestures in front of the others, yet did every single one of them now from the bottom of their motherboards that these two were more than just friends.


Hot tears still roaming down from her light blue eyes, she let out another loud sob. Her jeans would be soaking wet in few moments if she did not stop crying, but how could she? She felt weak crying in front of the others, but the sorrow she felt would probably kill her is she did not let it out.


Regret of her last words to her guardian, her lover.. stabbed her heart like dagger.


I hate you 'Hide


Those words would haunt her mind to the end of times.


Naturally she had not meant those words she had spat out at the end of the dispute and Ironhide new to his spark she did not hate him.


I love you


Were the words she wished she could once more whisper into 'Hide's audio receiver, the words she desired to hear muttered with an husky voice, just once more.


One last kiss would she only dream of placing on those metallic lips, one last time would she want to press her head against that chest to hear his spark beat.


She would give anything just to have the chance to say three last words


Goodbye, My love


Her sobbing had increased, pressure in her chest had gone from bad to worse and breathing properly was extremely hard.


She felt an metallic hand pick her up gently and placed her against his chestplate, she buried her face into the chest and cried harder than she ever had. She felt a finger smooth her head as a gesture of comfort, although her vision was blurry from the tears, she knew it was Optimus.


She was exhausted from the long battle and non stop crying, there were a phrase she heard Optimus speak with an comforting tone before she drifted into sleep.


Cry as hard as you want to. But just make sure that when you stop crying you never cry for the same reason again.